Supporting Coregulation: Why It’s Important & Practiced in Neurodivergent Affirming Speech Therapy in New York City
I believe that co-regulation is one of the most underappreciated skills in childhood development today.
We so often look to first target skills like: attention, focus and behaviors of compliance.
Instead, one of the first skills that should be focused on is – co-regulation with another person!
Coregulation is an important stepping stone and the foundation for your child ‘s ability to ultimately self regulate and self soothe when feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
What is Co-regulation ?
Co-regulation occurs when an adult helps a child regulate and calm their body and mind when overwhelmed or emotionally distressed.
This is an engaging and collaborative process in which the adult provides the stable and calming energy to help regulate and calm a child who is emotionally or physically dysregulated.
Why is Co Regulation So Important ?
Co-regulation is an extremely important foundational step towards the ability for a child to self regulate.
First, a child needs to practice regulating with a calm adult who can hold and anchor the energy in the room.
Young children simply do not have a mature enough cognitive ability or sensory system to self regulate and self soothe themselves during moments of increased emotional stress.
Therefore, as caregivers and parents, the onus is placed on us to provide a claiming and supportive environment.
We must provide the right tools and support for our children to calm and regulate through a combination of co-regulation and interpersonal connection.
What Are Some Examples of Co-regulation?
- Staying cool, calm and collected while providing a stable, grounding energy for your child to attune towards.
- I suggest using a calm, soft voice, dim lights, blankets, weighted stuffed animals, fidget toys, relaxing music, picture books, and a cozy corner to unwind into.
- Ask if they would like: a deep hug, a hand to squeeze, or some gentle touch to help regulate together. Oftentimes, co-regulation might look like a much needed hug or rub on the back. Deep pressure can have a very relaxing effect on the nervous system – this is called proprioceptive input.
- Offer words of acknowledgement and understanding. You can help to validate your child’s feelings by saying: “I understand that you feel frustrated and angry right now.”
Please remember it may be challenging for your child to answer questions and think logically about a solution – until their body and mind is regulated first and foremost.
When a child is distressed, simply telling them to calm down or asking them to explain ‘why they are upset in the moment’ – usually – is not very helpful or effective in regulating their mind and body.
Instead, these well meaning questions may lead to further nervous system overload and shut down.
This is because when we are upset our logical and thinking part of the brain goes off line and our survival and primal instincts – like to take over instead.
In moments of emotional overload, the prefrontal cortex shuts down and our amygdala gets activated into a flight, flight, or freeze response.
Therefore, you cannot rationalize logically or effectively with an upset child.
Our first goal is to help calm the child.
This grounding and calming energy is initially achieved through co-regulation first and interpersonal and social connection second.
Creating a Cosy Corner for Self Regulation Together
I invite parents to create a cosy, relaxing corner in your home to practice co-regulation with your child.
I suggest choosing a corner in any room of your house.
A corner in your living room or child’s bedroom is a great choice – just make sure it is somewhere your child can retreat to and unwind without being disturbed.
A Cosy Corner Can Include: A comforting mix of colors and textures.
- Soft rugs
- Big fluffy pillows
- Picture books
- Fidget toys
- Weighted blankets
- Stuffed animals
- Fairy lights
- Foam blocks
- Small sensory box with rocks, sand, toys
- Paper and crayons
- Calming music
- A glass of water
- A favorite snack
- A favorite smell, texture, color
Invite them to co-regulate with you by engaging in these calming activities together!
For example, when your child is feeling overwhelmed by emotions – by practicing these coregulating skills together – your child’s ability to self soothe will improve greatly with time and practice.
When your child is regulated and calm, then you can begin to build their emotional intelligence.
After your child is regulated and connected, you may wish to explore and talk about their experiences with them – in a calm and grounded manner.
- Start by validating your child’s feelings.“Wow, I could see that you were feeling really frustrated – just now. “
- Ask questions about their internal experiences.“ How did that feel in your body ?”
- Review the strategies you used together to calm.“We did a really great job, calming down together by giving ourselves 3 big hugs and taking 3 deep breaths!”
- Practice problem solving for solutions.“What do you think we can do next time so that we don’t get so upset?”
Through these insightful conversations with our children we are able to build their emotional intelligence and resilience.
- Acknowledge the child’s feelings.
- Explore how it felt in the body.
- Review the self regulation techniques that you tried.
- Explore and talk about solutions and problem solving ideas – for next time.
I invite everyone this week to practice co-regulating with your child!
Set up that cozy corner, pick up your favorite book and snuggle up under the blankets – as the fall air blows in – let’s all get cozy, regulated and calm!
Until next time …
Sincerely,
Heather Lynn Boerner MA CCC/SLP
Is your child highly sensitive?
Does your child react strongly to changes in their environment?
Does your child have big feelings throughout the day?
Is your child fearful of new places or people?
We can help! Our team of speech and occupational therapists help each child build greater mind-body connection and calm!
Begin Children’s Speech and Occupational Therapy for Learning Success:
At Chatty Child, we believe every child deserves to feel capable, confident at school. If your child is struggling here is how to get started:
Contact us or call 347.491.4451 for a free 15-minute conversation to discuss the classroom challenges your child is facing and how speech therapy can help.
- Schedule a comprehensive evaluation that may include school observations to understand your child’s needs in their actual learning environment.
- Begin individualized therapy sessions with goals focused on the skills that support classroom success—from auditory processing to executive functioning to speaking confidence.
- Collaborate with your child’s therapeutic team through regular communication, team meetings, and shared strategies that create consistency across home and school.
Your child doesn’t need to struggle alone. With the right support, they can build the communication skills and confidence that makes learning joyful, friendships easier, and confidence possible.
Holistic Speech, Feeding & Occupational Therapy Services for Children in NYC
At Chatty Child, we support children as they develop the communication, cognitive, and social-emotional skills that help them thrive at home, in school, and in their community. Our approach looks at the whole child, recognizing that language development is deeply connected to learning, relationships, and self-confidence.
Our services include:
- Speech Therapy – Individualized, play-based support for language development, speech clarity, social communication, and everyday confidence.
- InterAct – A storytelling and play-centered program that strengthens language, imagination, and connection through shared narrative experiences.
- Mindfulness classes for all ages – support for emotional, sensory and self regulation, curated classes using mindfulness and meditation practices
- Occupational Therapy – Support for sensory processing, motor development, and independence in daily routines and self-care skills.
- hum studios – Mindfulness and compassion-based classes that foster emotional awareness, regulation, and accessibility for children of all ages.
- Teletherapy – Flexible virtual speech and occupational therapy services available throughout New York State.
- Tutoring – Personalized academic support focused on reading, writing, comprehension, and critical thinking skills.
- Functional Nutrition – Developmental support strategies that use nutrition-informed approaches to support regulation, attention, and overall well-being.
- Consulting – Collaborative guidance for parents, caregivers, and educators to support consistency across home, school, and community environments.
- Group Programs – Small-group sessions that build communication, social interaction, and emotional skills through guided peer engagement.
Meet Heather Boerner, Trusted Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist & Feeding Specialist in NYC
Heather Boerner, MA, CCC-SLP, is a licensed, nationally certified speech-language pathologist with over 23 years of experience supporting children through pediatric speech therapy in NYC. Her clinical work is shaped by training in mindfulness, a trauma-informed perspective, and her lived experience as a neurodiverse, differently-abled individual. These elements inform her deeply responsive, whole-child and neuro-affirming approaches to care.
Motivated by her personal journey, Heather founded Chatty Child Speech, Occupational & Physical Therapy, PLLC. The practice is built on creativity, collaboration, and individualized support. She works closely with schools through classroom observations and team meetings to ensure children receive consistent, coordinated care. Heather is also the author of Carrie the Colorful Chameleon, a children’s book created to encourage confidence, curiosity, and connection.
Heather and her team offer in-person therapy at the Tribeca clinic and virtual services throughout New York State. Together, they help children build the communication skills, confidence, and self-advocacy abilities they need to thrive in school and beyond.
